One sad morning, I found myself doing house chores lifelessly. It seems that I'm bringing the world along with my shoulder. Everything seems to fall out of plan. My heart became empty. I felt so tired of my situation. it seems that hope is nowhere to be found. I felt deceived. Later on rain began to pour. I remembered all the sad memories and the tears that fell from my eyes. I sat by my window and stared at the dark sky. I reflected through the past and found myself loosing the belief that GOD still exists. Within my 13 years of living in his own made planet. Many problems came my way, and I know that many more would come my way.
During the early years of my life. I saw the world to be happy. But as years passed, I felt alone. I went on to be a vry bad girl. I dis obeyed my parents and dropped all my subjects at school. I became used to hanging out with my friends. It seems like I don't feel loved. It seems that I'm free, free but in a wrong way. I could no longer hear the whisper of my conscience.
Things began to worsen when mother left. Father became very abusive. The lucky family was becoming unlucky and experiencing the greatest devastation, a catastrophe. During those times my life seemed to be useless. I became very tired of crying and facing all those problems. It seems that I wanted to give up the life that he had given to me. I felt the LORD is not by myside.I felt that he left me alone with my corrupted soul and broken heart in darkness. I imagined my soul burned in the flames of inferno.
When mother came back, I felt a relief. The catastrophe had lessen its distraction. I know that this is only for a few moment. Mother left again. The monster and the catastrophe are destroying my life again. I no longer felt the love of a father. I felt the LORD doesn't exist. I often tell myself; " If you exist show me how it is like to be with you!..." and still there weren't any answers to my cry. The LORD wasn't listening.
From then I became very devastated. I dont want to go to church and I don't want to be my fathers daughter. I'm becoming evil. But I don't know why, but sometimes, I still have the LORD in my heart, I still feel blessed. It seems that HE is building up my devastated world again.That I'm back in HIS arms...
Sometimes I often think that in a way HE is listening to me. Because right now I'm still alive. By loosing the belief that he exists makes me shiver and makes me believe that he still exists more and more...
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